Friday, April 20, 2012


When I sat down to write my own thoughts on ‘Love’ many different yet related terms came to mind - lust, infatuation, passion, care, commitment, compassion, deep understanding, friendship, selflessness or even selfishness.

Not surprisingly, I found the oft used simple human sentiment was quite difficult to define as it encompasses all the above words describing it and maybe more.

In fact, different cultures of the world have different set of meaning for it. In Persian culture ‘all is for love’, In Chinese ‘Wo ai ni’ (I love you), carries with it certain specific sense of responsibility, commitment and loyalty, In ancient Greek ‘Agapo’ refers to a pure ‘ideal type’ of love and ‘Eros’ is passionate love. In our own country ‘love’ comes up with several meanings. A person can love his parents, children, God, car, clothes, food et al. But a man loving a woman is something that is special and is expressed and understood as being ‘in love’.

Now, if I delve too much into its meaning, I will end up being more entangled than ever. So, I leave it to the readers to pick up their own meaning with the few important references provided by me as above. As far as I'm concerned, I believe love is that stubborn emotion that bravely faces the harsh winters and yet refuses to give up .With unshakable faith it waits for the Spring to arrive.

But honestly (& practically), speaking how many of us have known and experienced that kind of love? And with the current mind - set of instant gratification and fast forward lifestyles, who has the time & patience to wait for the ‘right kind of love?’

Generally, this is what happens-- You find yourself strongly attracted to a girl next door or your colleague  at office or maybe even a good friend who studied with you. You two spend a lot of time together. Sparks fly. Terming it as special, you mostly confuse the physical reaction of your body with the term ‘love.’ The girl on the other hand is more cautious (mostly owing to her conservative bringing up and a deep - seated fear of the consequences), and does not immediately reciprocate your feelings. Consequently, your heart aches for her more and you give your best to win her over. Finally, she concedes defeat enamored by your focused attention to her. And like you she too believes herself to be ‘in love.’ (And maybe it is so. Maybe you both are truly in love. But can you be completely sure? It’s a gamble until proved otherwise).

Anyway, during the courtship period both the parties refuse to see, listen or hear anything against each other. This is the so called ‘Love is blind’ phase.

Then comes a time when you both decide to get married. And maybe again another round of struggle ensues. Yet both face this phase boldly and overcome all hurdles to tie the knot. So far so good. Your status changes from being “Single” to "Married”. But if you think this is it... and now both of you can live ‘happily ever after.' Take a cold shower!  The real test of true love starts after marriage.  

 Post the honeymoon period realities of life come knocking at your door. Modern day lifestyles throw multiple challenges to the marriage. And both partners want to shirk away from facing such problems. Neither has the time. Moreover, the modern educated married woman has higher expectations from her better- half. She considers herself equal to her partner in almost every sense and totally believes that she can  well manage   her affairs without depending on her husband. The husband on the other hand, has his own aspirations/goals and feels the wife will understand. But none of them are able to understand the other; despite claiming to be deeply in love. And so they end up either hurting each other or being hurt themselves. Love then is ‘no more blind.’ It becomes a game of 'give and take' which has no clear cut winners.

In my opinion, for both to be winners it is important to keep in mind that, ‘Love expects respect, it expects understanding and most of all it expects love in return. A sensitive, caring and an honest attitude towards your partner is then the only way to nurture love. And understanding develops through communication, dialogues, spending time together, (even if both have to steal it) and preferably away from the regular environment. Couples who respect each other, share a compassionate understanding and are willing to work for the relationship have a good chance of saying ‘Honey, I love you,’ and mean it.

The Rose - by Bette Midler -


  1. Very realistic approach Sujata! I have to say hats off for your clear understanding of the whole game called LOVE! As you stated,in this fast paced environment, living & surviving in the fast lane, the concept has changed and still is evolving. Self & immediate gratification is more visible in the society. The domination factor too is becoming more & more visible. I mean the competition between the working spouses on their earning scales, has pushed their understanding of each other to the background. Compassion between the two has become a thing of the past. I've seen this myself! Good writing!
    Jagdish Keshav
    Juggy Sushila Keshu on FB!

    1. Thank you Jagdish! Glad you liked the write up and agree with my thoughts on the subject. And also thank you for solving the mystery behind your name. I think I will address you with your full name from now on...even on FB. :)

    2. Sure Sujata! You are welcome to do that! Yes I do concur with your thoughts on the subject of Love! Take care & keep writing :))

  2. hats off for your analatical and clear vision.............