Why I wrote ‘In pursuit of Infidelity’ and other related questions?

This is an oft asked question by readers, friends, acquaintances and even strangers claiming to be avid readers.  But more often than not, the above question is posed by people who either found the 'title' of the book too strong for their taste or  found themselves feeling upset, confused, alarmed by the 'story line' to an extent to brand it as ‘Not -the- kind - of -book- they would- like- to - read.’ 

'Then why pick it up in the first place, my dear?' I would have liked to ask them. The blurb gives out more than a fair idea about its content.

Anyway, I obviously cannot do that without getting into an argument or a heated discussion. So mostly I give them a tolerant smile and say, 'I felt like writing about the topic.' Period.  

Why I wrote ‘In pursuit of Infidelity’ and other related questions?

The main reason I chose to write my first book about the hush - hush and ‘under the carpet topic’ of Infidelity was simple beause I wanted to explore the subject. The topic intrigued me. As a reader who loves the romance/relationships genre I found it being explored in the writings of some very popular and admired Indian writers like Vikram Seth’s, ‘A Suitable Boy,’ Manju Kapur’s, ‘Difficult Daughters’ and many more. As a woman and a social activist I was surrounded by real life stories on the subject. All these factors egged me enough to choose ‘Infidelity’ as the theme for my first novel. 

The story was written from a modern woman’s perspective for obvious reasons.

 I wanted to explore and attempt to get answers to questions like –

Why do extra marital affairs happen?

Who is responsible for it – the wife, the husband, both, their lifestyle choices or something else?

If a woman strays, is it for the same reasons as that of a man?

Can a person be branded as bad just because he has committed infidelity? (The character of Gaurav was that of a good husband and yet he had a one night stand… actually a mini affair?!)

Should a woman be blamed and called names if she after several attempts of trying to show her neglected feelings to her husband and yet not finding an appropriate response from her ‘ever busy’ partner gives in to her emotional needs? In my story I deliberately showed both partners cheating on each other. This was to get the reactions in each of their cases. Most readers who got back to me felt that Gaurav had been short handed. Just because Sheena did not divulge her truth to him. But did not both commit the same misdemeanor? For the sake of a marriage that was already shaken and almost destroyed by the discovery of Gaurav’s infidelity, was it not wise of Sheena to keep her painful truth to herself? (And maybe she really loved Nikhil. Nikhil on his part made a sacrifice because he loved Sheena). He had got a chance and could have destroyed her life. But he did not. Human relationships are complicated. Things are not always either white or black. One has to walk the grey line sometimes). In real life though, especially in our society it is mostly the woman who has to live with the knowledge that her partner has betrayed her trust. And yet she endures that pain just to save her marriage. So what if a man has to do the same? Will the society be able to digest it? I believe, a person who loves his family, a person with broader outlook towards life, a person who understands his own mistakes that might have lead to the crack in the relationship will not only be able to accept but also cope very well when faced with such a situation.

But the most important questions that I wanted answers to were, what happens after infidelity is discovered? Does life end?  Everyone make mistakes and then everyone has choices. People are responsible for the choices they make. The choices may be good or bad for them. It is not necessary that an individual choice a person makes has to be coloured by what the Society thinks as the best. The affected couple must know and make the best choice. If the straying partners were blinded for a moment and committed a mistake they deserve a second chance. But if the marriage is really marred beyond repair – It is better to end the unhappy marriage and move on. And I believe such marriages end much before the actual act of infidelity is committed and brought to light. But for others there is a new life that begins after both partners have gone through the painful experience of love and loss either individually or together. It teaches them to respect and value each other. It teaches them to not take everything for granted. It makes them understand that what is important is not that you have committed a mistake but how you have learnt and grown from that mistake.

Having given my thoughts on the subject and my novel as above, I also wish to put on record that I am not justifying ‘infidelity’. In fact it clearly comes out from the story that the misdemeanor has the potential to destroy and irreparably damage several lives at one go. Also, for those who are still wondering, my story was a fiction. A figment of my imagination. Of course, some of the characters and certain incidents in the story were inspired from real life experiences.