“Sangeet, I’m in love with someone else.
I’ve always been in love with her, Kushal said quietly, I married you just
because my parents wanted me to.”
The silence that followed was chilling.
The
above lines have been excerpted from my fiction, ‘In Pursuit of a Lesser
Offence,’ (Alchemy, 2014). The main female protagonist in the story is besotted by
her husband and goes out of her way to be liked and accepted by him. However,
the husband not only abuses her but also hides the fact that he’s been having
an affair with a colleague in his office till the wife confronts
him on one occasion. The book is an attempt to explore the changing phase of
modern - day relationships and also studies whether the reasons given by couples, to get into a
committed relationship, the right ones or are they nose - diving just because they’re in love or that’s what the society expects them
to do.
Coming back to the excerpt I shared in the
beginning, doesn’t it look like a scene from real life? And quite a common one
at that. Probably the circumstances may vary. So what should we do when our
heart breaks? Go silent? Get into depression? Stop living?
For a
while, maybe yes. It is normal to grieve after a break - up. In fact, grief is a
process and it goes through various stages from feeling extremely low, to
blaming self, to anger and hoping and wishing that things would go back to
how it was. It takes time to heal. And it takes a strong will. A determination
and gumption to jump back to our original self again. It takes wisdom and
compassion. To forgive and forget. To move on in life.
Here are a few things you can do:
Deal with the fact: This
is the toughest part. To acknowledge that you have been dumped or have to part
ways with your lover. It is important to distract yourself at this stage. Remember,
your heart has got into the habit of a daily dose of love messages or coffee
with the one and only. Break the habit. Try
and think of ways to keep yourself occupied. Stop stalking your ex. Also
remember that it’s normal to cry or feel low. In fact, it is best to talk it
out as much as possible. It helps.
Don’t give in to the temptation: of calling
up your ex to clear misunderstandings or to accuse him further of how he has
used you. You were in the relationship out of your own free will. No one forced
you into it. It is no use blaming the other partner for the break up. It is important
to shift the focus from him to yourself. Take good care of your health and
surround yourself with supportive and cheerful company.
Build up your Self – Esteem: Now
this is the most difficult but also the most vital thing to do after a break
up. Your self – worth takes a hit and impacts all other areas of your life; be
it work, interaction with your family or taking crucial decisions about your
personal growth. The best way to building your self-confidence is to first wipe
- off the pictures playing in your ‘mind screen’ over and over. Get rid of the
negative thoughts, shun them as soon as they enter your mind. Reinforce the ‘I
can and I will,’ attitude. Slowly, the old and painful pictures get blurred and
new ones take their place.
Be brave and walk out: In
case of an abusive relationship, despite
knowing how things stand… if you still don’t want to break free, you’re doing
yourself a disservice. Firstly, if someone loves you they will not think of
harming or hurting you. Secondly, to think that you love someone more than your
own self is a sham. You’re fooling yourself and unnecessarily giving all your
power to your worthless partner. You need to do a reality check. As humans we
all crave for love but that doesn’t give anyone the right to make us feel guilty
and worthless for their problems in life and slowly destroy our sense of self -
worth. We owe it to ourselves to put a stop to it.
Consult a Psychologist: This
is the best piece of advice I can give you. If you find yourself in a situation
where you’re confused or emotionally disturbed with regard to your break up or
an extraordinary situation in your relationship; please do not hesitate to
contact a professional. They will guide you the best.
Keep
Smiling! Always. :)
